The Way You Are
by Abigail.B
Summary: We all know and hate that Edward left Bella for her own good. What if Bella decided that she needed to leave Edward for HIS own good? A short story; a tiny dosage of angst; HappilyEverAfter guaranteed; and you won't even have to wait too long for it. "I would break my own heart for him."
1. Unreconcilable

I love Edward Cullen. I love everything about him.

It's the big things, like his generosity, his protective love for his family, his consuming love for me, that made me fall in love with him.

But it's the little things, really, that solidify my love for him.

It's the way he sweetly whispers in my ear that he loves me when he walks me to class.

It's the way he looks, as if he's struck gold, every time _I_ tell him that I love him.

It's the way he ducks his head and plays with my fingers when I compliment him.

It's the way he wraps himself around me when he holds me when we're alone, and sometimes when we're not alone.

It's the way he so determinedly teaches me how to play the piano, with me perched on his lap, because I expressed a little interest; although, honestly, we both know I'll never be any good.

It's the way he can't keep himself from kissing me, once, twice, three times. And maybe a few more times after that… even though we both know how horridly painful it is for him.

I love him in everything that I do. Our kind of love is unstoppable and irreversible. I know this.

And yet, how can our kind of love be meant-to-be? There is nothing, literally nothing, that has worked out in our favor. It seems that everything that could have gone wrong, has.

He is a vampire and I am human. For the complications to stop there would just be too easy…

To top things off, my blood appeals to him in a way that no one's ever has.

Recently, we had to deal with a deranged, stalker vampire hell bent on killing me, just to spite Edward.

And even more recently, Edward's brother, Jasper, attacked me at my birthday party.

It has been five days since The Incident, as I'd been referring to it in my head. I think about it all the time, how I careless I had been, how easily it could have been avoided…

Every spare space in my mind has been overwhelmed, the events of my birthday leaking and seeping and trickling their way through crevices in my mind that I didn't even know existed. Thoughts of Edward, and subsequently happiness and safety and overwhelming love, were stomped on and trampled by The Incident. I didn't know it was even possible to _think_ so damn much about a single event in time.

A paper cut, just a paper cut. It should have been no big deal, even in a house of vampires, "vegetarian" vampires, that is.

I hate and blame myself for it, no one else.

How could I possibly blame Jasper?

I am, after all, a human girl spending my free time surrounded by vampires, in their home, on their terms. I have, on more than one occasion, felt guilty. Guilt for being in their home, in their sanctuary… The one place they should be able to escape the warm bodies and thumping heartbeats.

I never did voice these feeling to Edward. What would be the good in it? He would worry unnecessarily and try to reassure me the best he could.

He was worrying enough as it was. He had worried enough after the Incident, before he drove me back home that night…

We had walked out to my truck after Carlisle had treated my injuries. I remember him holding me tightly against his side, too tightly in fact… As if he was sure, so sure, that this would be the straw to break the camel's back.

"Bella. Bella, Bella, Bella…" I had no idea what he was about to do. _Was he preparing to apologize? _

"Edward, wait," I had interrupted, readying myself to put him out of his misery. "Please don't, okay? This was no one's fault, and we both know that."

That wasn't true though; I knew even in my haze of confusion and pain and panic exactly who was to be blamed.

He was refusing to meet my eyes at that point, and on some subconscious level, I was already steeling myself to make some serious decisions.

He had opened the passenger side door of my truck and lifted me in, spreading my legs so he could stand between them with his head nestled in the crook of my neck.

He was suffering now, I could see that plain as day. And it was torture for me, to see. I was searching my brain wildly after that to find the exact combination of words that would absolve him of this disgustingly misplaced guilt.

"Edward, look at me. Please." Reluctantly, he had lifted his gaze to meet mine. I hated what I saw in his eyes. "I want nothing more than to forget about this after tonight. I'll go home, you can have some space, my arm will heal, and we'll never have to mention this again."

In hindsight, I obviously wasn't thinking clearly. I was blurting out nonsense, complete nonsense. I wasn't thinking of the long-term, or him, or _hell_, myself for once.

Despite that though, I remember his eyes lightening considerably. Yes, this idea of forgetting had appealed to him greatly. That didn't mean he was going down without a fight either though.

"How can you say that though, Bella? My brother, of all people… My _brother_ attacked you tonight. You're hurt yet again because of a situation I placed you in."

I had begun to lose it at this point, near hysterics practically.

"Yes, yes, I know! It's your fault that I cut myself. It's your fault that Jasper wanted my blood. It's your fault that I'm human!" I had said. That last part about me still being human had somehow found its way out of my mouth, and it scared me how much I _meant _it.

I was being immature, so immature, and yet I couldn't control the word vomit. Things had finally caught up to me and now Edward was witnessing me at my ugliest.

At this point, Edward had taken to using only nonverbal forms of comfort. Rubbing small circles on my back, enveloping me in his arms, rocking me… He had never seen this side of me before, the side that was just so angry. Angry at him, at myself, but above all else, our goddamned circumstances.

That night, Edward had dropped me off back home and I had insisted he go for a run to clear his mind. I had no idea what our future would come to. Disgusted with myself and yet thinking reasonably at the same time, I considered our differences. I wanted to become a vampire and Edward refused to even entertain this idea, losing his patience within seconds of me merely mentioning it. I failed to see how this difference _wasn't_ irreconcilable; there was, in fact, no middle ground. There was human and there was vampire, two ends of a very expansive spectrum.

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**A/N: I'll trade you a review for a guarantee of an update within a week or less!**


	2. Purgatory

**This Chapter took only slightly longer to write than I had anticipated. I still posted it within a week of my last chapter though, so I'm happy I was able to fulfill that self-imposed deadline.**

**The reason for the tardiness (by my standards) is my jackass boyfriend. He's actually been insisting that we see each other lately. So demanding!**

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Charlie had already left for the day and I was sitting at the table, eating my breakfast of cereal quickly. I wanted to be done before Edward came by so we didn't have to linger. Our conversations lately, since the Incident, had been awkward and stilted at best.

Not only did Edward know me better than anyone else, but he was a very perceptive person. The events of my birthday party weighed down on us heavily still, even though the both of us had already agreed to forget and move forward.

The agreement was made in a panic though; just comforting, useless words designed for Edward to rid himself of his guilt for me getting hurt and for me to rid myself of mine for causing him that guilt. How could we forget though when we were reminded at every turn? Life at home was stressful for Edward; Jasper had taken off in humiliation and Alice had of course followed him soon after.

They hadn't returned or made contact since.

I felt like I had chased them from their own home. And for what? I _was _nothing, _meant_ nothing to them. I'm not even sure if I've even exchanged a word with Jasper without Alice being present. And now I was ripping their family apart.

A quiet knock on the door interrupted me from my thoughts; a reprieve from my exhausting, inner turmoil and yet a confrontation with the manifestation of that very turmoil awaited me.

I stood up to put my bowl in the sink and opened the door for Edward.

He greeted me with a hug, wordlessly. He was just as lost in this as I was; he knew that I was still bothered by what had happened but could he ever expect what I was about to do?

"Any word from Alice and Jasper yet?" I asked, him still standing in the doorway.

"No, not yet," he murmured. I studied his face, searching, almost hoping for a trace of resentment to be found for separating his family. I found nothing, save confusion and love.

"Shall we get going?"

I nodded and he reached behind me, grabbing my navy blue raincoat from the rack. He pulled my arms through it and zipped me up, giving me a kiss on the forehead as he did so.

Edward had taken to touching me in ways like this in the past week as I grew more and more hesitant of his touch. He would zip my jacket for me, put my seatbelt on, walk with his hand draped around me rather than simply holding my hand, something he wasn't exactly prone to do in the past.

I felt guilty, of course, for making him resort to methods like these for affection and comfort from me. But I couldn't indulge in the coziness he provided whenever I needed, especially in times like this. Doing so, I knew, would make me guiltier still. I wanted to ease his mind obviously but I refused to allow myself to lull him into a fall sense of comfort; everything would certainly not be okay and accepting his touch would be selfish.

As Edward helped me into the car, my thoughts drifted to, as they often did these days, what our lives would be like without the supernatural element involved. I longed for it to be lighthearted and fun but more than that, I wanted us to be normal.

My mind was instantly transported to one of the more leisurely days of my summer spent with Edward.

Edward and I had decided to come to the meadow today. It was another lazy, summer day in Forks and the both of us were perfectly content to do nothing. I had brought along with me a fun read, _The Book of General Ignorance_ and Edward had brought a sketchpad, per my insistence.

I had recently discovered some sketches, and even a few paintings in Edward's closet and was encouraging him to do more.

Right now, however, our stuff was pushed to the side, and I was laying my head down to rest on Edward's lap. Not the most comfortable pillow in the world, but I didn't mind.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

He was stroking my hair languidly and I would have been lying if I said it wasn't relaxing me to the point of drowsiness.

I looked up at him sheepishly, sleepily. "Edward…" I was trying to say something and it wasn't going to come out this way.

He just smiled at me and moved his hand to rest on my thigh instead. Great, that's much, much better.

"Go on," he prompted me.

"So yesterday, I was wondering about you… About what you would have been like if you were born in today's age," I said, hoping he wouldn't think I was completely ridiculous.

"Really?" he asked, looking down at me like I was setting him up for the most hilarious punch-line in the world.

"Mhmm."

"And what had you imagined I'd be like?"

"Well I was actually wondering if you'd answer that for me," I said. I was actually really, genuinely curious. Although to be honest, I couldn't imagine him being drastically different.

"Give me a theory of yours," he said.

"Seriously? We're reverting back to that?"

He looked at me, waiting.

I caved first.

"Well… I can't imagine you acting like any of the boys in our class." The look on his face told me that I'd hit the pin on the head. "You'd probably act much the same with less refined language."

He chuckled softly. I was obviously amusing him with this and I was glad to do so.

"Tell me more."

"Well, obviously, you would still be…" I started, pulling myself into a sitting position to talk straight in to his ear.

"Still be what?" he asked, his pupils dilating just the tiniest bit.

"_Hot_," I said, breaking in to a fit of giggles and blushing slightly. He face broke out in to a tiny smile and my gaze lowered to his pale pink lips. With his right hand tangling in the hair at the nape of my neck and his left on the small of my back, he pulled me close for a kiss.

"Would you still like me?" I asked.

"I can't imagine a life, human, vampire, or even imagined human in this case in which I wouldn't _like_ you," he responded, effectively shutting me up for a second or two.

"Also," I continued, "you would probably play soccer. Or baseball. I can't really imagine you in football or basketball."

"Of course," he said, nodding emphatically with a stoic expression on his face, indulging me obviously.

"But I am curious though… If you were just a regular, teenage human, with a budget, what kind of car would you have?" Edward was terribly attached to his cars, and this I really wanted to know.

"A Volvo."

We both laughed at this. Him and his Volvo… He hadn't even skipped a beat in responding.

"I like the Volvo, too." He hummed his assent.

I loved seeing this lighthearted side of him. With the ridiculously dark edge that our relationship had started out with, we needed moments like these for sanity's sake, if not for anything else.

I didn't know what I would do now. I didn't know how to break his heart. I didn't know the most painless way to do it.

I did know doubtlessly though that I could not prolong my actions any longer. I had to talk to him tonight, let the both us escape from this purgatory; this awful state of trepidation and nervous anticipation, not knowing but always caring.

I would talk to him tonight.

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**A/N: It's sad to see how Bella is already breaking his heart, without even voicing her opinions yet in some sort of misguided attempt to "free" Edward. **

**Also, I wrote the little flashback first for this chapter, and worked everything else around it because I thought it was sweet. **

**Anyway, I know this story won't garner as much interest as others have simply for the lack of lemons (yet). A testament to that is my other story in which there is _literally_ no plot, just sex, sex, and more sex! I know that's what people read fanfiction for mostly, and I've actually managed to fit a lemon in to the end of this story without it being terribly out out character. **

**I hope you you like it anyway. Please review and the same guarantee from last week stands, an update within a week or less! **


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